Newly Diagnosed with Cancer
The first few days following a cancer diagnosis are like riding on top of a speeding train. You’re hanging on for dear life and can’t quite see what’s ahead. Although every situation is somewhat different, this is what I generally suggest: Focus on one step at a time. If you are having a biopsy next […]
The post-treatment blahs
For many people the months following cancer treatment are more difficult than the treatment itself. During treatment, your “job” is to be in treatment. You’re busy with appointments and you see the same doctors and nurses almost every week. At the same time, friends bring you meals, family members take on extra duties, and you’re […]
It’s OK to ask Your Doctor
People often leave their doctor’s offices irritated with themselves for not asking what they wanted to ask. Sometimes they simply forget to ask. (I encourage people to bring a list). On other occasions, though, people aren’t sure if it’s OK to ask certain questions. Sometimes the questions that people hesitate to ask are the ones […]
What to say – and not say – to a person with cancer
Most people find it awkward when first talking with a friend or acquaintance who has just been diagnosed with cancer. Even though nearly everyone is well-intentioned, many say things that hurt or mystify more than they comfort. Based on my own experiences and my conversations with others with cancer, here are some suggestions: What to […]
Don’t Give Advice
People often call me and say, “My friend was just diagnosed with cancer. What can I do to help her?” My answer is simple: Be present and don’t give advice. Being present is a matter of maintaining a connection with that person. This can take the form of visits, calls, cards, prayers and other expressions […]
Take the right person with you to medical appointments
In a recent article, I encouraged people with cancer to take someone with them when they went to important medical appointments. When you hear the words, “You have cancer,” you tend to have trouble remembering anything else. Today, I want to suggest who to take with you on those appointments. Take someone who listens more […]
Good care is a partnership between patient and doctor
I spend much of my time helping seriously ill patients navigate the health care system. As a result, I’m constantly talking with patients about their interactions with doctors and other health professionals. Although each encounter is unique, I’m increasingly aware of some universal truths that contribute to good patient-doctor encounters. Not surprisingly, good encounters require […]
Stopping treatment is not giving up
I sometimes hear from individuals with advanced cancer who continue with aggressive treatment because their loved ones exhort them to “not give up.” Some family members go so far as to say that stopping treatment is the same as committing suicide. It’s not. I wish that we could reframe this discussion because when people choose […]
Parking lot moments after a cancer diagnosis
You’re initially stunned when you hear the words, “You have cancer.” Your brain freezes and things are a blur for at least a few minutes. A friend recently asked me what went through my mind once the initial numbness began to fade. For me, this was when I had checked out of the doctor’s office […]
Chemo nurses and radiation therapists
Chemotherapy nurses and radiation therapists provide much of the hands-on care to cancer patients. As a result, these professionals have a profound impact on the quality of care that patients receive. I attend a weekly breakfast club for guys who have had cancer. I asked them to describe the qualities in a chemo nurse or […]
